actress: sarah bernhardt

in a glass house

do i unpack my bags or pack them? this constant state of instability has been leaving me restless and confused. my focus is never clear. i want this phase to pass. though at time i feel this phase has been a continuous path since 2003. i'm getting my closure here. finding the lost souls and staring them down to the core for forgiveness. i want the past to be the past. i miss my life in ma. this haunted house is barely getting me anywhere. in fact, i fear i am trapped here with no way out. i walked 2.3 miles out of anger to the highway. i hate that hitch-hiking is so passe nowadays. i've been absorbed by youtube videos of radio & juliet by radiohead ballet. i am nowhere near that capability. my back is out for one. so i'm thankful that we are in pre-production until march. i lost my damn insurance so i have absolutely no idea how i plan to fix all my broken limbs. i want to settle. i want to be near my friends and work and play and excitement and love. i have none of that here. except my crazy aunt kim. she pops over now and then. if i don't get my shit together, in 30 years i'll most likely resemble her. i will not let that fucking happen. i refuse to succumb to the weakness. i'm strong. damnit. i made it this far in one piece. the acid rain is falling down. i want it to eat this house so hallie and i can no longer worry about it and just count the dollar bills. one day. one day. who even reads this. don't judge. i like to write (grammatically incorrect most of the time. but i'm working on that, really, i am) my inner thoughts from time to time publicly so when i google myself in the future i can come back and read it and think, damn, what was i thinking. i get bored. i'm not perfect. but name one person who is?