and the plot thickens

i really, really hope i don't crack. going through the past is a frightening thing. i'm overwhelmed by many things at the moment. it's hard to take in at times. i've watched a life go by. a family fragments of a dream. as i was painting my "playroom" this evening i saw little signs i made stuck to the wall for my Barbies. i sat and i cried. i cried that my childhood has vanished. when did i become an adult? would people frown upon me if i played with Barbies now? i saw that my favorite Barbie dreamhouse was given to some children down the block. i want to take it back, but i'm glad it's being used. though, it is outside... i'm positive i won't be here that long. my sister has already threaten to evict us (my mother and i) from the house on many occasions. i want to see her clean the gutters and paint and declog drains. stupid bitch. oh, and i also think my uncle murdered my father. shredding these documents, i've noticed some inconsistencies with some dates. my dad did always call me a spy kid. how cute. some research will be needed. more time i feel i'm running low on.