can i borrow your glue?

i continue to ask myself what i did wrong in this life or a past life that lead me to so much uncalled for disasters. my entire life i've done my best to be a good person and help others. i never wish harm on people. i really only want everyone to be happy. i never judge people in the way everyone else does. i try not to say bad things about people. sometimes i have trouble finding bad things to say. yet today, i had two severe panic/anxiety attacks. alone in this huge house, next to the box of my father's cremains, i cried and screamed for help. anyone who could have heard me. i don't want to die. especially not in this house or next to my dead dad. thanks to jimmy who came to my rescue and saved my life once again. more heart damage. my back has been in pain for weeks. i can't breathe out of my left nostril. i feel like i'm literally falling apart. my sister has threaten to kick my mother and i out of the house within 30 days leaving us homeless. my mom will not have anywhere to go. who does that to their mother? giving this house, our home away for nothing because of her douche boyfriend is pressuring her to sell this house as soon as possible. we're in a recession. the market sucks and your mother is homeless. i seriously wonder if i was adopted or a test tube baby or even switched at the hospital.... i know i need to leave here. i can go back to boston. my home. but i keep pondering to go and live a nomadic life and travel and work with other artists while i continue to work on my personal projects. get my head together. figure what steps i need to take next in my life, career, love.... but just like those damn squirrels in the tree out front throwing acorns at the house, more problems keep showing up. continuous waves crashing over me. i can't hold my breath much longer and treading this water is making me weak. but fuckers, i've made it this far. and you ain't seen nothing yet. oh, baby, you ain't seen NOTHING yet.